How does it affect one’s life to find yourself unexpectedly waking up in total forgiveness after experiencing a violent, random, near death assault?

Tom Rudderow (he/him)
Having read theologian Matthew Fox say, “What we do in our school is turn mystics into prophets,” in 1998 Tom U-Hauled to Oakland from N.J. to attend the University of Creation Spirituality because, he felt, “I’ve got the mystic part down, but being a prophet means not being a painfully shy, introverted, stage frightened person disconnected from the world and others.” Never believing in channeling “until it happened to me,” Tom began “receiving” spiritual, political, and spiritual/socially active songs, 89 of them over the next six years (when he was violently assaulted) and eleven more since. Asking his “songwriter,” “Why are you giving these to me? I’m not that good and I can’t get in front of people,” the response was, “Because you need them.” That’s when he started joining choirs and making occasional struggling efforts at playing his songs for others. Working on overcoming all that life long stuff to become a spiritual activist, on August 24th in 2006 Tom was assaulted by four young guys and left for dead, waking from a three day coma he was not expected to survive into both a miraculous, life changing gift of forgiveness, as well as a brain injury and PTSD with a deeper than ever sense of disconnection. These songs have since been his healing, sitting in his room playing them to himself, and occasionally taking opportunities to play them publicly. Sharing with BFUU today is yet another step and opportunity to overcome his stage fright and to wake from the PTSD disconnection.